Passive Aggression

So, I have been thinking about this term quite a bit over the last few weeks. I have been accused of being passive aggressive in the past and was quick to deny the possibility. Oh the horror of being passive aggressive. Who wants to spend time with someone that can't speak their mind? Someone who continuously says OK but means NO. It's so annoying to spend time with people that have no mind of their own. Lately, I have been speaking my mind. I'm not going to accept the injustice of not being heard - ignored is more like it. If more people realized what it takes to be passive aggressive, there would be much more happiness in this world.
Recently, I was reading about passive aggression. What have I been doing wasting my life with people who literally mistreat me because of their own issues. I'm sick of it, really. I couldn't be more dissatisfied with the way I have been treated and I have recently learned to say no and to demand the respect I deserve.
So what is a passive aggressive behavior, you may ask?  I will give you some examples...
1. You and a friend (or partner) are looking for a place to eat. Your friend (or partner) says, "I don't care." You decide on a place and go there. While there, your friend is upset because it's not where they wanted to go.
(Now here is where I ask the question, Why wouldn't they just speak up prior to going? Why make the entire group miserable because they can't speak their mind? ) Annoying, right?
2. This is one of my favorites.. we will call this "The attitude".  I don't necessarily have an example for this behavior but I know you have seen this one before. "The attitude" is when someone assumes you know what they are thinking or feeling. This person will become hostile when someone expects something of them and instead of just saying no, they decide everyone is out to get them. This hostility kills happiness in a second. 

3. "The compliment".  Have you ever spent quality time with someone that gave compliments and then when they left, you realized their compliment was instead a criticism. As with anyone, passive aggressive people can be happy but that silent nod of the head or the quiet ugh huh means much more. 

So, how do we deal with a passive aggressive? I choose to stay away but since this is not always possible, it is important to understand that they have a deep seeded problem within themselves. After reading about passive aggressive behaviors, I would remind others of these few things: 

• Identify the behavior. When it's hostile, recognize it as such and deal with it that way - don't become oversensitive to this behavior. Don't become hostile back, it only creates more problems. BUT, do not give in to this ridiculous behavior. Speak your mind - the passive aggressive person can't deal with someone who speaks their mind - as a matter of fact, it pisses them off and they eventually go away or stop the behavior (sounds like a 5 year old behavior to me!)
• Never tolerate this behavior. They will do it over and over if you let them. 
• Consider the feelings of the other person. Don't ignore their needs, even if you don't agree. Be considerate and don't place blame.

There are ways of surviving a relationship with a person that is passive aggressive. Understand this is a learned behavior. They probably learned this from their parents or grandparents and need help adjusting their behavior. If this type of behavior happens to show itself in the presence of alcohol or drugs, it is probably time to get some addiction therapy. No one deserves to be abused and dealing with someone while they are intoxicated AND are passive aggressive in behavior is exhausting and not worth the time if they choose to continue in their destructive behavior. 

Vagina Monologue

I was required to do a vagina monologue for a class - this is what I came up with!

I’ve been responsible for many things in my life: receptacle for the penis, lubricator, stimulator, a birth canal, holder of the G-spot…

I have been called many things in my life: who-who, yo-yo, toolbox, velvety box, muffin, oven, penis trap, pussy, twat, cooch, cookie, slit, crotch, …

I have provided many things in my life: a path for babies, a path for menstruation, a path for pleasure in my owner, and a path for satisfaction of my owners’ friend…

Although I have been so much more and called so many more things, I am hurt by all the negative things that happen to me.

Why is it that I am forced to have a cold set of jaws pushed into me once per year? How is it normal that I occasionally have to succumb to this abuse twice when something is “abnormal”?

Every single month I am forced to house a cotton thing for days on end with no reprieve. I hate this way of life. I am called names, I provide pleasure and yet, I am abused.

When I am tired and don’t feel like getting wet, jelly is replaced for the natural thing. How can this be normal? What if I just don’t want to house that thing you force into me? What if I just want a gentle touch? Give me a break, won’t you?

I discharge, have a problem with that? It’s a normal thing. You try to be dark and moist all the time, you’d discharge too.

I smell sometimes. It’s normal. I can never be completely clean. It’s normal to have bacteria. As most of you know, bacteria tend to have a smell.

Why is it important for you to exercise me? Really, I’d like to just be left alone. They call this exercise the Kegal exercise. I hate it really. I mean, whoever thought that a vaginal barbell is comfortable. Leave me alone, my muscles will stay firm.

Ok, there’s just something not right about not having hair. Whoever thought it was important to shave my soft tender outer area? Who are we pleasing? I kind of liked having hair there. I definitely don’t like to have it dyed, painted or removed by waxing. This is just too close for comfort, if you know what I mean.

I do get sores. It’s not my fault. Have you ever thought of wearing looser pants or how about being picker about your date, for goodness sake?

One last thing, sometimes the medicine you take and the food you eat causes me to itch and not feel so hot. Please take care of me as quickly as possible. It’s important that I continue my job.

So, what do I like, you may ask. I like to be touched. I like a little pressure but not too much. Penetration is not necessary for me to feel good. Toys are good, oral is better. I like to feel good. I provide so much, it can’t be too much to ask. Play with me.. softly.. I'll respond just as you hope.

I’ve been played with, stared at, talked about, but yet I continue to be talked about like I am a bad thing. I just want to be called beautiful and treated like I am worth something. I am beautiful. I provide life and I provide pleasure. I am like chocolate, eat me and you’ll feel good all over.

*** OK, ladies.. we should love our little "love baskets" a little more! I had fun.. It was definitely a challenge but once I got going, it wasn't difficult.. After all.. vagina's are all around us.

Walmart or bust!

Why exactly do women go into education? Could it be they love to see the AHA on the faces of learning children? Could it be they can have a say in the life of their children at school AND at home? Is it time off for summers, vacations, weekends, etc.? Or is it the benefits provided. I would venture to say it is a combination of everything. These are all valid reasons and worth considering.

What about secretaries? They usually have weekends and nights off. They are usually provided insurance and benefits that match others. A flexible schedule is possible when they need to stay home with the kids or when trying to plan a family vacation. What about phone calls? They are able to take that “forbidden” phone call in the middle of the day. A must for many moms.

Nursing: Most income calculators base a position as a nurse or RN as just a title. We have to remember (to be fair and unbiased) that men may take their education further and vice-versa. As many know there is an average of what a person can make with minimal education and by furthering your education, you make more. It’s a fact of life. Go to school, go as far as you can and then negotiate according to the income of your peer. ASK the question… WHAT DO YOU MAKE??? (I forgot to put this in my list of rules) So many companies “forbid” it. Call bull shit – ASK

As far as the uneven pay between the sexes, I firmly believe that women need to stand up for what they want and not allow our emotions to become involved in the negotiation process. There are women who make significant amounts of money – even more than their husbands. What can we learn from these ladies? Think – Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Oprah Winfrey. There is something about these three ladies that makes me think. All three bring the will to survive, the strength, the no bull-shit attitude and ring of self-assurance. Not a single one of these women are known as so and so’s wife. Is this where girls are going wrong? Is the fairy tale of a prince charming and a white picket fence forcing women to settle for a lower pay and a lower worth. It is definitely something to consider when plopping the kiddos in front of the television for a good ole showing of Cinderella. Think twice ladies.

I think my final comment about income and job disparities is: We NEED teachers, psychologists, and secretaries. We need restaurant workers. We need people to work at Walmart. There is always going to be someone making less in a lesser occupation. What we CAN do, as women, is to forgo that job in these professions or to demand change in those occupations that put demands on us.

Equal pay for the sexes

Are you having a hard time getting a job? Are you paid what the opposite sex gets paid? Here is a blog for you..

There are an overwhelming amount of women in secretarial, administration, and sales jobs in our country. Both websites provided an eye-opening look at where women are making their money and makes one question the legitimacy of looking for and obtaining employment in fields outside of those mentioned. There has been talk about the desire for women to work in careers that allow flexibility. On the other side of the coin, how often is a woman looked over because she is a woman and a man has applied for the same position? Where can we guarantee, as women, that we score the jobs we want and where can we guarantee that our pay is equal to the men in the same position? What actions must we, as women, take in order to be equal once and for all?
Here are some ideas I’ve come up with that may help women get the job of their dreams.
Be pushy: I feel that women are looked over in many situations just by the name on the resume. We need to make changes to that resume that demand respect and control over our life. We need to make the phone calls after we apply for the job. Don’t be afraid to be told no but don’t let them look over you and your qualifications.
Know the number: When you go to an interview, research current wages for the position you are applying. In a real situation, men WILL talk about income. You must too. When the interviewer asks, “Do you have any questions?”, say yes, and tell them your income desire. Don’t let them hire you over the phone without first talking of pay. Make them negotiate with you. You are important.
Don’t be emotional: I read once that women tend to talk too much. The nerves get involved and women become emotional and worse, lack professionalism because of this. There is another side to this, relax – don’t be too stiff. You want the interviewer to relate with you but you don’t want to do things that are out of your league like liking sports just because it’s a “guys” job. Be yourself, be firm, dress to impress, know your shit and for god sake don’t cry!
Don’t be a Chatty Cathy: Keep all your answers to less than a minute. Watch the signs of the interviewer – are they looking around or are they asking for more by their body language. Use your intuition to know when to shut up. Boldly pronounce your ambitions and your accomplishments. Tell them what you are proud of. Don’t be coy – this is definitely not the time.
Negotiation: It is a fact that women are more emotional. We just are. But, when we are talking about our career and our future, it needs to be locked in the closet. Employers rarely offer their top pay when offering a position; women need to be sure and negotiate with the employer. If they like you and want you, they are going to negotiate. Women tend to get excited and grateful for the job offer but forget to talk about money – probably out of fear. Take fear out of the equation – don’t settle – tell them what you want. That is why they liked you in the first place. Don’t be meek. Talk money. It’s your life.

Catching up

Oh my! I really should make a valiant effort to blog more. When I read the past blogs, it reminds me of what I was feeling at the moment. I have never been one to keep a diary and I think it may haunt me forever when I try to remember events that were extra special to me. It has been over a year since I blogged last and I SWEAR I am going to stay up on this! I am going to put a paper on the wall in my computer room that says BLOG so I don't forget. Let's see if it works!

What's new?
Well, I'm still working at Staples. Still annoyed by certain people but I know from experience that I can wait-out the ignorant and annoying ones. They really do make it clear their future intentions and I can handle them. (I'm trying to convince myself but its a start!) I'm still going to school. I am officially a Senior in college. I never thought I would get to this point and here I am! So excited to start my new journey in life. Even more excited to have a "real" paycheck again.
The reason I really wanted to blog today is to post some random thoughts I had over the summer and thought it would be important to post them before my blackboard class was removed and I no longer had access to my writing. I took a women's studies class over the summer and I enjoyed every minute of it. I learned alot and I feel I provided great insight into the world of living as a gay female in society. ENJOY!

Internship

Well, I got accepted for the internship at Western Kentucky University for the entire summer session. The school provided the students with housing and food, add that to a paycheck and it seemed to be a win-win situation that a person would be stupid to pass up. Don't get me wrong, I've had a good time but I was hoping for more outside type of work. I have been stuck in a chemistry lab for the entire 10 weeks and it is getting old. At this point, I'll be happy to get back home on a daily basis and back to school and work.

I do miss some of my work peeps, only some. I wont mention names but I will have to say that one is mid twenties and annoying. She is completely ignorant and I've caught her in so many lies. I'm over her. I hear she's coming back one day a week for some reason. I'm hoping to quit if she comes back on a full time basis. I'm just over annoyed by her ignorance and lies. Such is life.

Life is going well this summer. We're going to Colorado for Bub's (my baby cousin) wedding. I'm excited to see him and his new bride. Plus, it's been awhile since I've been able to see all the family. Grandma is so excited to have everyone together so we can take photos. I'm sure Angela will be taking some good photos and making necessary changes to send out to everyone. We need a large family picture..

We considered a vacation to Disney World this Christmas but have decided to go back to Vegas. We are bringing with us 4 friends and Angela's sister. It should be a hoot to travel around and visit friends and family. I think grandma is going to be making christmas dinner which will be awesome. Any time someone else cooks is good for me!

Well, it looks like agreat idea to take a nap. Pup's are sleeping away. Thinking I may join them! Oh by the way, Angela is getting her Real Estate License in Kentucky. Should be an exciting journey. She'll do great. WIsh her luck!