So, I have been thinking about this term quite a bit over the last few weeks. I have been accused of being passive aggressive in the past and was quick to deny the possibility. Oh the horror of being passive aggressive. Who wants to spend time with someone that can't speak their mind? Someone who continuously says OK but means NO. It's so annoying to spend time with people that have no mind of their own. Lately, I have been speaking my mind. I'm not going to accept the injustice of not being heard - ignored is more like it. If more people realized what it takes to be passive aggressive, there would be much more happiness in this world.
Recently, I was reading about passive aggression. What have I been doing wasting my life with people who literally mistreat me because of their own issues. I'm sick of it, really. I couldn't be more dissatisfied with the way I have been treated and I have recently learned to say no and to demand the respect I deserve.
So what is a passive aggressive behavior, you may ask? I will give you some examples...
1. You and a friend (or partner) are looking for a place to eat. Your friend (or partner) says, "I don't care." You decide on a place and go there. While there, your friend is upset because it's not where they wanted to go.
(Now here is where I ask the question, Why wouldn't they just speak up prior to going? Why make the entire group miserable because they can't speak their mind? ) Annoying, right?
2. This is one of my favorites.. we will call this "The attitude". I don't necessarily have an example for this behavior but I know you have seen this one before. "The attitude" is when someone assumes you know what they are thinking or feeling. This person will become hostile when someone expects something of them and instead of just saying no, they decide everyone is out to get them. This hostility kills happiness in a second.
Recently, I was reading about passive aggression. What have I been doing wasting my life with people who literally mistreat me because of their own issues. I'm sick of it, really. I couldn't be more dissatisfied with the way I have been treated and I have recently learned to say no and to demand the respect I deserve.
So what is a passive aggressive behavior, you may ask? I will give you some examples...
1. You and a friend (or partner) are looking for a place to eat. Your friend (or partner) says, "I don't care." You decide on a place and go there. While there, your friend is upset because it's not where they wanted to go.
(Now here is where I ask the question, Why wouldn't they just speak up prior to going? Why make the entire group miserable because they can't speak their mind? ) Annoying, right?
2. This is one of my favorites.. we will call this "The attitude". I don't necessarily have an example for this behavior but I know you have seen this one before. "The attitude" is when someone assumes you know what they are thinking or feeling. This person will become hostile when someone expects something of them and instead of just saying no, they decide everyone is out to get them. This hostility kills happiness in a second.
3. "The compliment". Have you ever spent quality time with someone that gave compliments and then when they left, you realized their compliment was instead a criticism. As with anyone, passive aggressive people can be happy but that silent nod of the head or the quiet ugh huh means much more.
So, how do we deal with a passive aggressive? I choose to stay away but since this is not always possible, it is important to understand that they have a deep seeded problem within themselves. After reading about passive aggressive behaviors, I would remind others of these few things:
- Identify the behavior. When it's hostile, recognize it as such and deal with it that way - don't become oversensitive to this behavior. Don't become hostile back, it only creates more problems. BUT, do not give in to this ridiculous behavior. Speak your mind - the passive aggressive person can't deal with someone who speaks their mind - as a matter of fact, it pisses them off and they eventually go away or stop the behavior (sounds like a 5 year old behavior to me!)
- Never tolerate this behavior. They will do it over and over if you let them.
- Consider the feelings of the other person. Don't ignore their needs, even if you don't agree. Be considerate and don't place blame.
There are ways of surviving a relationship with a person that is passive aggressive. Understand this is a learned behavior. They probably learned this from their parents or grandparents and need help adjusting their behavior. If this type of behavior happens to show itself in the presence of alcohol or drugs, it is probably time to get some addiction therapy. No one deserves to be abused and dealing with someone while they are intoxicated AND are passive aggressive in behavior is exhausting and not worth the time if they choose to continue in their destructive behavior.
